On the top of my lap

Everyone has a laptop. Elmo has a laptop, my relatives have laptops; I expect even Juju the crack dealer to have a laptop.

The new thumb twiddling is the internet. Ok, so it sounds cliché. But its true! Every coffee shop seems to be low on the caffine bean and high on the anodized aluminum laptop casing. About 85% of people in coffee shops have a 15in glossy screen dazzling their faces. The other 15% just don’t have their laptops WITH them.

Laptop ownership has a certain look to it. Usually it’s a sling bag, tight pants, an oversized purse, or a hunch in someone’s posture. Shifty eyes, clammy hands, and untargeted stares cloth many a net junkie. Everyone is itching to check their email. I once heard someone “miss the warmth of my ‘top on my lap”

Business suits can be expected to have a portable computer. Bluetooth earpiece people are expected to be similarly equipped. Actually, that description sounds like an old shoplifting lady. Beyond laptop people, there are APPLE laptop people. They’ve got this smell, and this … aura. It’s a little pretentious.

Opening apple laptops is this slow process. They crack it open like a hard boiled egg. Then they wipe their screen/keyboard with their choice-yak-haired cloth. They give a little look around which slowly whistles, “this is cool. Everyone see? I am cool. This is expensive. But I can afford it. And I am all the more awesome.” That’s why bargain hunters who fish for macBooks seem a little bewildered when they get one.

I’m a little hesitant to join this crew of electronics hauling geeks. It’s another $2,000 accident waiting to happen. Or a $2,000 brick to be left on the bus, dropped on the floor. Or $2,000 worth of sprayed coffee guilt.

Knowing my track record with Gameboy, Cell phones, hot potatoes, fly balls, girls hands, and car keys. Maybe I better stay away.

Summary: Don’t give me small things